A Christian Comments on God’s Blog

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Hey, God, cool blog, man. (Or whatever. I guess Jesus is the son of man, right?) I love it when CEO types start blogging. It’s so easy to think people in control aren’t even normal people. Not that you are normal. But if you are willing to blog, at least you’re meeting me where I’m at–speaking my language, you know?

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So I can see that you are going the conservative route–sticking to scripture. I’ve been reading, but I have to say I’m disappointed. Don’t you think a new medium deserves a new message? I don’t expect you to change the crux of the good news, but at least recast those parables in images from the Information Age.

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This isn’t a response to today’s post, but I read something in your book the other day that really bothered me. You know the part in Timothy when it says, “I don’t permit a woman to teach.” Is that for real? You don’t expect us to treat women like that anymore, I’m sure–but God some people don’t get it. And they’re making you look pretty sexist. And you know, blogs are a great way to do some damage control.

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God, the end of that comment post yesterday wasn’t supposed to be rhetorical. I was kind of hoping for a direct response. A lot of bloggers do that, you know. Of course, you do–you’re God. And you take requests. That’s part of prayer, right? “By prayer and petition make your requests known to God.” So here’s my petition–women are equal to men, right? Different, I’ll concede, but still equal. Right?

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God, are you there? Did you read my comment yesterday? Again, not rhetorical. Asking for a direct response is bold, I know, but hardly without precedent. You walked with Adam. Even after the “fall from grace” thingy, you talked with Job and Moses and Elijah. I don’t need to see so much glory that I glow or grow horns or anything–just a little Gideon sign would do me fine. Just an acknowledgment that you read these comments.

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I’m feeling a little frustrated here. I’m still reading your posts, but I’m beginning to have doubts. How do I know you’re God–and not some geeky zealot punk with too much technical expertise? Cops pretend to be thirteen year old girls all the time–to catch the perverts. Just say something–one small comment–so I know you aren’t some kind of atheist sting operation outing the faithful few.

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OK, God. Still nothing? I’m going to level with you. I know you know all and all that, but you’re not quite listening. Here’s how conversation works in the blogosphere. You post something. The scripture passages work fine. I’d prefer some updates and revisions myself, but I suppose one shouldn’t tweak something that’s been turning conversions for 2000 years. But still–the comments are where it’s at. Did you see yesterday? 7000 comments, God. 7000. Maybe you don’t read blogs much, but that’s a lot of comments. I ran a search on your user name–and you haven’t responded anywhere. You haven’t answered a single comment directly. Come on, God. Other commenters are answering questions for you! Is that really what you want? So. I’m waiting. Don’t let me down.

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Look, if I were you, here are some of the comments that I might address specifically. And they are not the egotistical little philosophic requests like some of us have been making.

That girl, Carrie said she got raped, God. Sure, her comment was off topic, but you should say something to her. Don’t you think? Tell her how to cope?

And this other guy JamesL. He lost his daughter in a car accident. There was alcohol involved and now he’s feeling guilty. Like it was his fault he let her go out with that guy. He’s a mess, God. Didn’t you see that huge block of text? I’m guessing he rambled that out on his keyboard late in the night or something because he can’t sleep anymore. You could really help a guy like that.

And I can’t even read the ones in other languages. But there they are. Talk to them. We don’t care what language you use. Dialogue goes back and forth, God. Back and forth and back and forth.

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Nothing. And people still comment. 10,000 yesterday? You’re totally dominating the search engines. Geez. Run some ads. You’d be rich.

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I don’t get it. It’s like I’m talking to myself here. All of us are–except for those people presuming to talk for you. The blogosphere is a conversation, God. Not a monologue. We’ve had your monologue for 2000 years and we still can’t sort it out. A little help, please?

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See. This is what I’m talking about. Some people in the comments are acting like you are talking to them directly. Like that one lady’s comment. She starts off, “This morning God told me…” then she goes on and on about what she read in your post. It’s like she thinks the Bible was written just for her or something. And then other people are talking like they have some special connection to you. I mean, more special than Jesus. He’s pretty special, but God, I have to confess. He’s not talking to me.

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Today, it struck me. You have my email from every comment I leave. Maybe you’ve been trying to email me! So I turned off all the spam blockers. I don’t mind sorting through viagra ads and Nigerian scams to find a message from you.

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Several days later, I have to conclude that you aren’t emailing me. Can I say this? It feels like the spammers love me more than you do. I know it’s a terrible thing to say. I know. You loved the world so much that you sent you only son. He died on the cross. He rose from the dead. He redeemed the world–or at least the parts of it that follow him. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m reading that part right. But I am trying so hard to follow you.

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So if you are reading these comments, you saw what some of those people said yesterday. It felt nice, I guess, but I’m still hoping for direct encouragement from you. To be frank, they aren’t God. I don’t know if I can trust them. I want to trust you. I mean, I do trust you! I do! Why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you talk to anyone? There’s got to be more to faith than following a silent leader.

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WHERE ARE YOU? God, where are you? I just want to talk. Respond to a comment–any comment. Just so we know you’re reading. Send me an email. I’ll tell everyone I have proof that you are real. Why wouldn’t you want us to know for sure?

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That’s it. I’m done. You have my URL if you need me. And my email. Find my blog. Drop me a comment sometime.

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I’m still here. Just so you know. For all my ranting and raving, I’m still here. Praying.
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What comments would you leave on God’s Blog?

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